Thursday, October 23, 2014

I swear this is the creepiest message from a pastor begging Millenials to come back to church that you will read all day.


Courtesy of Patheos:  

Dear Millennials, 

I know it’s kind of creepy. We want to know where you live, and what classes you take in school (and how much you pay for it). We want to know where you drink coffee; who you date and for how long; what you read, where you spend your money, and what you GIVE your money to; what kind of relationship you have with your parents, how far you wander from home, and how often you go back there. We want to see the depths of your soul, and then we want to take you out for a local craft beer. (You like that, right??) 

And for the love of all that is holy, we want to know why you left us?? Why did you leave the church? Why? Were we not sexy enough for you? Not smart enough? Too needy? Is it something we said? We can be better! Just give us another chance. 

We know. We’re like the bad ex who just can’t quit you. We are the Facebook trolls who want to like everything you like and then tear you apart when we disagree with your politics or your spending habits. We know it. We see it in ourselves. And we are sorry. 

The thing is, we are scared. We are afraid, now that you’ve dumped us, that no one will ever love us again. The generations before you—X and Y—staged pretty massive exoduses (exodi?) on their own. But you…well, we’ve never seen the likes of your kind of leaving. It is epic. It is destructive. It is breaking our hearts.

The author, one  Rev. Erin Wathen who is the Senior Pastor of Saint Andrew Christian Church, then goes on to admit that if the church loses the Millenials that they will have no shot at the children of the Millenials, which kind of makes this incredibly creepy plea even MORE creepy.

She then identifies that the problem is not with the young people, but with the church itself and promises to change.

However I must say, keeping with the whole "ex-lover" theme, that I had a girlfriend make me the same assurances. Not only did she not change, but she got even more clingy and scarier to be around.

I think this is rather amazing, and wonderful news. The idea that churches in this country might really be about to take a major hit when it comes to attendance numbers and monetary support, can only mean good things for the nation going forward.

Surely very offensive to Christians but you can't fault the accuracy.

I personally don't understand why we ever stopped worshiping fertility idols.

After all I would much rather pray to this then to have to deal with that poor masochistic bastard on the cross.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Speaking of the Throwdown at the Hoedown, now the Right is accusing the homeowner of sexually assaulting Bristol Palin.

So it is now the day after audio and pictures of the brawl have been released by the Anchorage Police, and media outlets on the Right have finally decided on their plan of attack in covering it.

Essentially, Bristol's been victimized. Perhaps even sexually.

Take a look at this from the Daily Caller:  

When news trickled out about the Palins being involved in a drunken brawl, I was mildly amused. The narrative was that this band of rich hillbillies was at it again. Then I saw this disturbing quote from Bristol Palin (being questioned about the incident): 

“I walk back up. “Did you push my sister?” And some guy gets up, pushes me down on the grass, drags me across the grass. “You slut, you fucking cunt, you fucking this.” I get back up, he pushes me down on the grass again. And I have my five year old, they took my $300 sunglasses, they took my fucking shoes, and I’m just left here?

“A guy comes out of nowhere and pushes me on the ground, takes me by my feet, in my dress—in my thong dress, in front of everybody—”Come on you cunt, get the fuck out of here, come on you slut, get the fuck out of here.” I don’t know this guy.” 

IF this is true (and we may never know for sure, but she sounds sincere), then Bristol Palin was physically, verbally — and possibly even sexually – assaulted by a man.

The reporter, Matt K. Lewis, then goes on to suggest that Bristol's victimization should be the lead story, and that the media's refusal to recognize that demonstrates bias on their part.

What Lewis fails to recognize, and I think purposefully, is that the key part of his article was "if this is true."

But it's not true, and proven by the testimony of everybody who is NOT a Palin family member.

However that is unimportant as the Right now has their meme and they are going to run with it.

And this Right Scoop article drives that point home: 

CNN host Carol Costello can barely contain her excitement over hearing the new audio of the ‘brawl’ in Alaska that involved Bristol Palin a few weeks back. 

After the audio concluded, Costello said “I think that long beep was my favorite part,” referring to the beep that replaced a long string of expletives from Bristol Palin. 

Costello then quoted Sarah Palin’s Facebook post where she had remarked how proud she was that Palin defended the family, noting that it made her heart soar. Costello ended it by saying smugly “You can thank me later.” 

What’s so disturbing about Costello’s smug excitement over this audio is the actual content of the audio, in which Bristol Palin is incredibly upset as she describes to police how she and her sister were assaulted by someone at the party. I’m not sure how something like that can excite someone so much. Costello clearly has such contempt for the Palins that she apparently gets off on harm coming to the Palins. 

I suspect if these were Barack Obama’s girls in the same situation, Costello would be defending them instead of laughing at them. 

Yeah, you know what? The Obama girls are NEVER going to be in this kind of situation. They are far to well parented for that.

I know that playing the victim is the favorite Palin tradition, but that is simply not going to work in this case.

Those audio tapes reveal the Palin family as the foul mouthed bullies that we all know them to be.

They can try to shape this story any way they want, but in the end there is no escaping the fact that the party was completely drama free until the Palins arrived, and after that at least three fights broke out and every one of them involved at least one member of their family.

Sarah Palin attempting to distract from the brawl on Hannity last night. Nice try lady.

I actually almost did not cover this as I think it the far less important or interesting story about Sarah Palin today. (For that just go down a few posts.)

However it is kind of my thing to talk about her Fox appearances so here goes.

First off she is once again dressed in that hideous yellow pleather jacket, which looks like part of an ensemble from the "Streetwalker Barbie" collection.

Then she starts off with this dismissive tone as she addresses a quote about President Obama by Tina Brown:

"How ironic, Because that little lady, Tina Brown, she is such a big part of the problem. She with her, and her ilk, so uber-uppity, so cocksure of their untouchable elitism."

Say what?

Damn somebody is particularly venomous today.

Palin then goes on to blame liberals for keeping women down by making them dependent on social programs.

About Tina Brown she says, "Chick you're a day late and a dollar short." 

Yes because REAL pro-women women usually refer to other women as "chicks."

For somebody whose entire family was just outed as a bunch of drunken trouble makers, Palin is oddly arrogant and seemingly pleased with herself as she makes statements like this:

 "Because these maladroit fake feminist women, They have such a double standard, so hypocritical as they would support anyone who would have sympathy for Muslims who do treat women so poorly. So inhumanely and not do all they can to stop the rise of radical Islam that would adversely affect America's interests.

(I bet you did not know that not stopping the spread of radical Islam was a failing by feminists now did you?)

Hannity then gets sneaky and tricks Palin, who as we know is always throwing her support behind these far right challengers to Republican incumbents, into admitting that voting for the Republican candidate, even if he is not as ideological pure as she might like, would be better than allowing the Democrats to take that seat.

At the end Palin manages to again make her pitch that Obama's recent remarks that many Democrats currently in tight races voted with him, essentially dooms Mark Begich. (Who she disrespectfully refers to as "Marky-Mark.)

"GOP establishment you better not blow it. You better take this gift as gold and capitalize on it."

You know that's actually good advice.

And that is why I will be using the newly released information about that drunken brawl for weeks to come.

Hey if you want somebody to talk about "bull sex" and blame suicide on the victim's friends and family. Then Alaska's Rep. Don Young is your man.

"And that's how gay sex works. Buncha perverts."
Courtesy of TPM:  

The Alaska Dispatch News reported that students and staff at Wasilla High School said U.S. Rep. Don Young (R-AK) "acted in a disrespectful and sometimes offensive manner to some students, used profanity and started talking about bull sex when confronted with a question about same-sex marriage" during his 60-minute appearance. 

When one student asked Young why he thought same-sex marriage was so bad, the congressman responded: “You can’t have marriage with two men. What do you get with two bulls?” according to Wasilla Principal Amy Spargo.  (Apparently Young answered "bullshit" to that last question.)

Witnesses told the Dispatch News that Young's comments on suicide also stunned the assembly, as students and staff were mourning the loss of a Wasilla student who took his own life last week. Young mentioned alcohol and depression and said that suicide shows a lack of support from friends and family, according to the witnesses. 

"When I heard 'a lack of support from family' and I heard 'a lack of support from friends,' I felt the oxygen go out of the room, but I gasped as well," Spargo told the newspaper. "It just isn't true in these situations. It's just such a hurtful thing to say."

Apparently Young's office realized that the fossil had once again made a giant fool of himself so they issued a half assed apology:

 “Congressman Young was very serious and forthright when discussing the issue of suicide, in part because of the high number of tragedies that affect Alaskan youth. He discussed what he believes are leading causes of youth suicide in our state and shared some suggestions for helping family members and friends who are dealing with suicidal thoughts,” spokesman Matt Shuckerow wrote in an email. “In no way did Congressman Young mean to upset anyone with his well-intentioned message. In light of the tragic events affecting the Wasilla High School community, he should have taken a much more sensitive approach.”

According to the Dispatch Young also said that one of the students who challenged him in the discussion needed "to learn some respect."

I imagine that when that young man is in the presence of somebody deserving respect he will do just that.

"How does it feel to get robbed with your own gun?" There is one Washington resident who can answer that question.

Courtesy of KOMO News:

A local man was robbed by an acquaintance with his own gun while trying to sell it to a friend of the acquaintance earlier this month in Mukilteo, according to the Mukilteo Police Department. 

According to police, the victim took a ferry to Mukilteo with a 21-year-old acquaintance from Oak Harbor, who happens to be a convicted felon, in order to sell a gun to a friend of the acquaintance. 

The victim and acquaintance met the buyer, a 23-year-old Everett resident, in a parking lot near the ferry, and the buyer agreed to purchase the gun for $1,000, according to police. 

All three men decided to go to the buyer's apartment so the victim could show him how to clean and reassemble the gun. On the way, the acquaintance reportedly put a live round into the gun's chamber and pointed it at the victim's head. 

According to police, the acquaintance asked the victim, "How does it feel to get robbed with your own gun?"

The other two men then took the victim's cell phone and kicked him out of the car before warning him not to call the cops.  

Damn if only the good guy with the gun had not sold the gun to the bad guy, making him a bad guy with a gun, who then used it to rob the good guy, now without a gun, of all of his stuff.

You know it is almost as if guns place too much power in the hands of people who should not have such power, and allows them to then victimize others who would usually feel safe from such aggression.

But hey, we're the greatest country on earth and according to the NRA the 2nd Amendment keeps it that way, so that's just silly talk. Right?

Right?

Alaska Dispatch has all of the audio from the drunken brawl. No bleeping here folks.

"I love my Bristol!"
So I spent quite a lot of my night last night listening to the audio over at TPM. They have pretty much all of it, so it took quite some time.

I was going to transcribe it but there is just too much.

Then I found that Alaska Dispatch had the audio as well, and made it accessible to be embedded so I have done that below with a few of the most provocative parts. (To listen to them all just head on over to the Dispatch.)
Here is how the Dispatch described this one:

Through sobs, Bristol Palin, described as "heavily intoxicated" in the police report, tells police she was pushed to the ground and dragged across the grass while Klingenmeyer called her names. “They took my $300 sunglasses, they took my f**king shoes and I’m f**king just left here?” 

The officer asks where she’s injured. “My f**king knees, my face, where’s my sh*t? I have a 5-year-old in the car,” she replies. 

Steve Lebida, identified in the police report as being involved in the fight on the sidewalk in front of the home, is interviewed as he leaves the party. “I think I tripped and fell,” he initially tells police, but later says he was beat up. His driver says she is taking him to the hospital, and police allow him to leave. 

After police interview several other people who are leaving the party, the Palins begin arguing with the officer about why he allowed others to leave. Willow Palin tells the officer, “Seriously, (Bristol) got beat to the ground and you are just going to let him go away?”

Funny how Willow describes Bristol as "mentally hurt" after the fight. I also wish the police had more carefully questioned this Steve Lebida guy, as he is clearly afraid to speak on the record.

And Bristol keeps talking about her "five year old in the car," is very reminiscent of her mother hiding behind Trig to deflect criticism or to keep from answering probing questions.

The second part of the interview is with Mark McKenna who parrots the Palin's version of events, but absolutely throws Bristol under the bus and does not back up her story of being dragged around by her legs.

Here is how the Dispatch describes this portion:

At minute 6:49, homeowner Klingenmeyer recounts his version of events: A fight broke out in the front of the house, after which Klingenmeyer was approached by Bristol Palin, looking to start a fight with another woman. When Klingenmeyer stopped her, Palin hit him in the face, he tells police. 

Matthew McKenna is interviewed after Klingenmeyer, explaining that the fight involving Todd and Track Palin was fueled by alcohol. “(Steve Lebida) was mouthing off to another drunk guy,” McKenna said. 

At 20:21, Todd Palin interjects and confronts Klingenmeyer. “Did you call Bristol a slut, or what’s up man?” Todd Palin says. 

"Todd, really?" Klingenmeyer replies. 

Klingenmeyer tells Palin, “You need to go on another reality show.” 

As the situation escalates, an officer says, “Let’s break this up.” In the background, others tell Track Palin to back off and stay out of the confrontation.

That interaction between Todd and Korey is very interesting and clearly demonstrates why he is called the enforcer. I also find it interesting that Todd seems to be prompting McKenna as to what version of the fight that happened with Todd and Track he needs to tell.

Here is how the Dispatch describes this portion:

Willow Palin can be heard reiterating that Klingenmeyer was calling her sister expletives and says that Bristol never landed a punch on Klingenmeyer. 

At the mention of a possible video of the event, an unidentified man tells police, “These are friends of mine and (the video) ain’t going out to anybody. 

The video don’t exist.” “I don’t have to owe you video because you’re a cop,” the man says.

You can clearly hear Willow in the background claiming that Bristol missed every punch she through at Klingenmeyer, and also that weird "I swear to God on my Down syndrome brother's life" phrase.

And I love hearing Todd telling Willow to shut up.

As for the guy telling the police that he does not "owe the video to you" that is clearly Mark McKenna. And if Klingenmeyer decides to press charge, then despite his protests to the contrary he WOULD have to produce that video.

You can hear Eric Thompson giving his account of events as well. Sounds EXACTLY like what he told the press later.

And the rest of the witnesses on the audio back up Klingenmeyer's version of events.

Here is how the Dispatch describes this portion:

A chaotic scene unfolds in which a child can be heard crying and the Palin family is heard yelling in the background. 

A police officer speaks with Track and Todd Palin, who give a convoluted version of events. Track Palin believes they are in Eagle River at a party that was “kosher” until some men started insulting his sister. 

Todd Palin said a “father-and-son team” came down from the house and “cold-clocked” their friend Steve Lebida. “When that happened it just escalated,” Palin said. 

Witness Brian Horschel tells police that he didn’t see the fights but that Track Palin was picking a fight with Todd inside the house before the altercation began. 

This is the portion where you can clearly hear a child crying. And I am about 99% sure that is Tripp.

Track clearly comes off as an arrogant asshole. And Todd's attempts to control what he says is fails miserably.  (I love the part where Track claims to know Jiu Jitsu. I call bullshit on that buddy.)

At the end you can hear Bristol claiming that she has "no clue" if she hit Korey or not. Clearly extremely drunk.

This last audio is where Klingenmeyer is highly agitated and wants the police to do something, and get the Palins off his property.

Here is how the Dispatch describes this one: 

A highly agitated Korey Klingenmeyer approaches and asks police to take control of the scene. “These Palins running up here on my property acting like they own it is not gonna fly with me. … I don’t give a f*ck if their name’s Palin or f*cking Obama, cause they don’t mean sh*t to me,” he says.

It is pretty clear that Klingenmeyer really wanted to press charges against Bristol, but sadly he was apparently talked out of that. "I want to press charges against Bristol fucking Palin."

There is literally SO much on these audio tapes that there is simply no way to type it all out. So absolutely feel free to share in the comments section anything that the Dispatch and I missed.

Like I said I have listened to this quite a lot, and at this point if I do not have to hear Bristol crying, Willow yelling obscenities, to Track acting the bad ass it will be too soon.

Man they certainly do put the "fun" in dysfunctional.

(P.S. Please make sure to visit the Alaska Dispatch and give them some hits as we owe them for their hard work.)

Wanna a really scare your neighbors this Halloween? Dress up like a Palin family member.

So Raw Story decided to list possible ideas for Christian or hypocrisy meme themed Halloween costumes.

Among others they list science deniers, gay marriage, the Marxist-Nazi-Anti-Christ version of President Obama, and of course the Abstinence Spokesperson.

Under that last one they use the following description:  

ABSTINENCE ONLY 

What You’ll Need: Long brown hair or a wig; a suit (skirt and jacket) or a professional dancer outfit; name tags; a sharpie; a pillow; a real life or toy baby or toddler; a bottle of Mountain Dew or a bottle of Bleach; condoms; a hole-puncher. 

Instructions: Put on a suit or a Dancing with the stars outfit and shove a pillow in it so you look pregnant. Also wear a long brown hair wig. Write Bristol Palin on a name tag and put it on yourself. Write Tripp Palin on a name tag and put it on real or doll baby. Take the condoms out of the wrapper and hole punch through each one in a few places. Then put the condoms in your pocket. Carry around the baby in one hand all night. In the other hand carry the bottle of bleach or Mountain Dew. Offer people sips and explain that abstinence only is the best policy but that if they’re in a jam, they should drink some Mountain Dew so they don’t get pregnant. Take out the hole-punched condoms and explain that those never work.

Now where do we think they got the idea for a Dancing with the Stars outfit with a pillow shoved up into it?

 Boy THAT would certainly frighten the neighbors into giving up their candy.

Gee it's almost as if not everybody was fooled by this explanation for Bristol's DWTS weight gain from her book:


 "This show actually took my activity level down a notch."

I guess the Palins simply think that EVERYBODY is as stupid as they are.

Very accurate depiction of how this works in America.

Just one of the reasons that I support Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers' bill to remove the tax exempt status from churches.

If they won't stay out of our politics and public education then they can damn sure pay for the privilege of participating.